Don't Shave Your Armpits, a Metaphor

Featuring some screenshots from my long-forgotten app days.

Hypothesis

If you grow out your armpit hair, then you will have better sex (I have this on good authority from a friend).

I had a date last night (oooooooh!).

And it was a set up (aaaaaaaah!).

My friend Mary put us in contact on Instagram, which, truthfully, is not my preferred way to be introduced. Usually, if someone adds me on Instagram before a first date, I leave them in follow request jail until I meet them. I don’t like the idea of someone peering into my life through a digital keyhole before they’ve met me in person.

But these days, my online presence offers more than a keyhole vantage point into my life; with this Substack, I have swung the door wide open. More than that, I’ve invited everyone to take a front row seat, grab some popcorn, and enjoy the entertainment of my dating life.

Every week, I have two sets of anxieties that creep into my brain right before I hit publish: the first is that if I write about a man, he will somehow find this Substack post and be upset – despite the fact that I never share names and most of the stories are more about me than the men I date. Anxieties are rarely ever logical.

The other anxiety is that, if I do have a date or someone interested in me, that they’ll look me up, find the Substack, and be scared off by the prospect of being written about online. This anxiety feels more logical, and I wouldn’t blame someone if they decided not to take part in my romantic life because of this.

Whenever this worry takes hold, I tell myself that it’s actually better for these people to get filtered out of my life now if they are uncomfortable with the idea of being written about. Writing is a part of my life, I want it to continue to be part of my life, and I want to find someone who not only supports that but celebrates it.

Even though the point of this Substack is to discuss a life without dating apps, there are things that I found useful about the apps that I try to figure out how to bring into the real world. One of which is the ability to filter.