Dating MANIA!!!
We've fallen off the boy-sober wagon
Call your sponsor, boy sober’s over
Am I crazy? Or is the cultural discourse around dating reaching fever pitch?
I need someone to tell me because I’ve made dating into my job and therefore all my algorithms are biased towards that subject. So, either I’m suffocating in an echo chamber that I built myself, or EVERYONE on the planet is obsessed with dating right now (which is what it feels like).
It’s only fitting, I suppose, that the subject has gained steam in the week leading up to Valentines Day, but I am being waterboarded by so many dating ads and matchmaking services on Instagram that I had to log out of the app for a while to save my sanity.
Last November, I wrote about the budding business of offline dating and predicted that “2026 is going to see rapid growth in the number of companies and events offered to single people,” but the first six weeks of this year have already surpassed what I imagined. It’s not just new dating companies that are adding to the cacophony of matchmaking chatter, everyone seems eager to get involved.
Feed Me, one of the most popular business newsletters on Substack, is building a short-term classifieds site for match-making. It’s no coincidence that Feed Me’s founder, Emily Sundberg, is an alum of NYMag, who also recently revived their beloved classifieds section. (If you need inspiration for crafting the perfect classified ad, browse OldNYMag on Instagram for iconic past placements.)
At Stanford, a graduate student built an algorithm to pair compatible students and 5,000 people signed up. For reference, Stanford has 7,554 undergraduates and 9,915 graduate students. He’s since expanded it to other elite universities and has racked up $2M+ in funding. What is this reminding me of?
Last week, the owner of Frothee Cafe in London went viral when she offered to set up her customers if they filled out a Google Form. She had to close the form when she received over 1,000 submissions less than 24 hours after posting her video. In a similar vein, Edith’s Sandwich Counter offered to set up their customers last October using Sitch to make the matches.
This all feels like a very significant departure from 2024’s “boy sober” trend and it’s 2025 older sister: “decentering men.”
This graph, depicting search trends for “decentering men” over the last five years, shows a clear upward trajectory for interest in the idea. However, both the search trends for “decentering men” and “boy sober” show a sharp decline for the first few weeks of 2026.
It’s been a while since I’ve heard a woman bring up the idea of decentering men. Now my feeds are full of Tiktok girlies taking to the pubs to rank the eligibility of the men there, or hand out business cards with their friend’s numbers on them.
Is “boy sober” going the way of body positivity?
Single people in the spotlight
The attention to single people has been growing steadily for the past few years. Last year, the discourse felt like a lot of hands being thrown up and rhetorical questions being asked: “what are we going to do about them?”
This year, it feels like people are starting to answer that question. The consensus is: pair them up.
It seems silly to speak negatively about an increased focus on finding matches for single people, especially as someone who begged couples to bring back set-ups. But there is something about this uptick of outside interest and investment in the lives of single people that I find unsettling.
When you and your friends are invested in the success of your love life, it’s exciting; when the wider world is invested, it’s spooky.
Of course, I don’t think any one of the new projects, when assessed individually, are malicious. But they are taking advantage of a moment. And this moment coincides with a widespread concern from politicians, markets, and economists over declining fertility rates. We shouldn’t downplay the coincidence of a cultural interest in dating and matchmaking has arisen from an increasingly fascist and conservative world.
Drive me mad!
The truth is, the person who needs to take the most responsibility for this mania I’m feeling is me.
I came back from the holidays stressed about finding subjects for Seriasly and booked myself four singles events in a row (one every weekend). Last week was a curling singles event that is best summed up by my friend Chloe, “it felt like being on an episode of Love on the Spectrum.”
Even while writing this piece and attempting to be more intentional about my dating life, I have just scheduled myself for three back-to-back dates next week. When there’s a carrot dangled in front of you (the carrot of true love), it’s hard not to chase it.
I’m beginning to realize that you can misuse singles events and offline dating just as much as you can abuse the dating apps. I seem to be replacing one reliance with another, when these tools should really be used to supplement one’s life.
Bearing all of this in mind, I have decided to move to a bi-weekly cadence for Seriasly for the time being to save my sanity but also to allow me to write some fiction for you all! While I have a decreased output, I am also going to decrease the cost of annual subscriptions by 50%, so they are now $20 (£15).
However, when Seriasly closes a door, she opens a window (a Substack is obviously a she; like a boat, or a car): I’ve decided to commit to making Seriasly Pick Up Parties a monthly series, occurring on the first Friday of every month.
These are not singles events, I’m not delivering people on a platter. Instead, think of them like organized wing-woman nights: you can practice your game IRL, or you can just have a pint with the girls and kvetch over modern dating. The next one is March 6th.
Anyways, I’m looking forward to (hopefully) getting my world rocked by a dark and twisted Wuthering Heights this weekend. Whatever our souls are made of, reader, yours and mine are the same.
this hit home!! im also going to a singles night this weekend and to the wuthering heights (!). I'm very much donzo with dating apps, so let these events be our alternative. But equally, I'm with you on how some bars and restaurants are capitalising on the moment. Although if this means using them as community spaces they were designed to be and will allow us all to meet and gather perhaps this is the right direction.
I can't make the March event but hope to be there for the next!
Love a monthly event! I'll miss March but see ya in April.